plucking daisies

Assalamualaikum and hi :) Last update was in 2024. First update after I moved to Sabah. I am still in Sabah, by the way. Probably a bit more accepting than I was before. So what do I have to say this time? Well, I hope it’s still not too late to wish a Happy New Year :) Not sure if I have mentioned this before but after I turned 30, I don’t really feel good about new years and birthdays as how I was before. It feels like I am getting older and um, closer to death? It’s not a bad thing to be reminded of death or akhirah but I feel that I am left behind, I have not achieve what I’m supposed to by this time/age. I start looking back at where I was lacking, what have I done wrongly or questioning the decisions I have made in life that lead me to where I am now. I don’t know if it’s just me? Or it’s a normal thing to go through in our 30s? :/ Anyway, I don’t mean to be so negative about the new year but here are a few things that I want to share about what I have learned last year. 1. To le...

Back here again after 3 years. Hi :) Just felt like writing again today. I’m on leave as things usually goes out of hand if I work on my birthday so let’s just skip that today. So where do I start now? I’m now at one of the districts in Sabah, came here last year after I got the permanent post. Didn’t thought it would turn out like this. Being a doctor has not been the way I have imagined it would be back then when I’ve decided to go to medical school. What I had in mind was— graduate from medical school after 5 years, do housemanship for 2 years then become MO for 2 years and join masters program for 4 years and become a specialist. That’s the timeline I had in mind, mostly after looking at my brother in law’s life. However, Allah had a different plan for me. I finished housemanship 2 weeks later than I was supposed to (handed in my logbook late for ED posting :p), haven’t decided what I want to do by this time— was aiming for FamMed since undergrad but then thought I haven’t explore ...

Hi! There's so much to tell but I'll do it later. Just dropping by to introduce my boyfriend 🙆 For now, let's just call him S, shall we? ♡

Sambung lah cerita semalam. Moving on to my second posting which was medical. At Serdang, we only do general medicine, we did not go to nephro, respi and cardio. Ni lagilah cuak sebab sebelum start lagi dah dimomokkan dengan medical posting yang high extension rate. Tagging saja dah dekat 3 minggu hahahaha. Oh me and tagging tak sah kalau tak lama, tak sah kalau tak nearing dateline. What I love most about medical was the super nice MOs. MO kat medical semua baik-baik. Rajin & baik. MOs boleh tolong masuk notes round pun kalau banyak sangat active plans. At medical, most imagings MO yang request. My medical MOs are angels. Registrar pun baik. Being in medical, tak sah lah kalau tak busy. Kalau station kat ED, either GZ/YZ or RZ. GZ/YZ tu tak sah kalau tak banyak. RZ tu kalau jonah, boleh lah banyak case hahaha. I've had 2 DKAs and 1 HHS in one night hahahahaha. Tapi registrars mostly angel so takpe, sis sanggup. I've learnt that I don't mind being busy with work, having...

Assalamualaikum and hi? Tak kisah lah ada lagi yang membaca atau tak... Typing this for myself, as a reminder or for me to read when I'm older of whatever I've gone through so far :) It's 12:33 AM, 5th of May 2020 now. Nak recap balik apa yang jadi for the past 2 years. 2 years bunyi macam lama kan? Especially sebelum start housemanship dulu. Shahiela, percaya tak awak dah habis housemanship? Extended 2 weeks haha sebab diri sendiri penakut sangat nak assessment kat ED dulu but you're done with housemanship, tahniah! *pats self on the back* Tak sangka kan? Dulu setiap kali orang cakap, "takpe, 2 tahun je. Sekejap je habis lah. Tak perasan pun nanti." Berhuhu setiap kali orang cakap camtu, kadang-kadang dalam hati ada jugak rasa nak jawab, "senang lah orang yang cakap, diri sendiri yang menghadap ni macam mana". I was scared. Hello, siapa yang tak takut? It's a whole new phase. It's a new start. Sesungguhnya, I hate new beginnings. I don...

Hi guys! (hm I'll imagine that there's still people who exist in this blogging life and would actually read xD) My last post was about my Pro exam? Not even anything about housemanship? Mannnnn that's a very long, long, longgg time ago haha. I'm nearing the end of my housemanship dah pun. Senang cerita, dah jadi HO tua hahaha. Sebenarnya kalau nak ikutkan, banyak yang nak diceritakan. The whole thing. The whole journey. Everything about housemanship. Nak taip macam-macam. Nak cerita pasal benda yang best, benda yang kelakar, benda yang horror, benda yang tak suka (read: benci), benda yang sedih eh macam-macam lah. Tapi mana mungkin nak taip benda yang jadi 2 tahun. Tak sangka dah nak habis 2 tahun dah kerja. Ni belum lagi scroll baca cerita lama. Boleh tahan malu haha. Nantilah satu hari. Kalau diizinkan diri ni rajin untuk menaip. InsyaAllah. At least 1 post pasal housemanship untuk buat kenangan baca balik hari tua nanti ye dak? :) That's it for n...

So, helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooo there! Hehe. It feels weird every single time I say hi at the start of my blog post because... is there really anyone reading this lol. It's okay. If it's not anyone else, there's always me who'll someday come back and read what I've written down here haha. Alright, back to the topic. Real business here, there's no way I can talk about my medical school journey in this one post. I actually wanted to talk about my final year especially about THE MOST INTENSE BATTLE I'VE GONE THROUGH MY WHOLE LIFE. It's necessary to type it with all capital letters to um, just highlight it? Haha. I'm gonna talk about my final Professional 3 exam. If any of my juniors are reading this, I really hope that I won't scare you too much ey? Because even if it's really bad or scary, a lot of people have went through it and nobody has ever died sitting for the exam hahaha. I can now laugh talking about this but definitely not at...

Hola guys! I wonder if anyone still blogs nowadays haha. When was the last update again? Don't know if there's still people reading but I'm gonna do an update soon. The question is... how soon? Probably in a few days time. Kot. Hahahaha. InsyaAllah soon. Just for a quick update, I'm done with medical school! YAYYYYYYYYYYY!!! I'm gonna tell you guys a lot of things that has happened, basically a sum up of my medical school journey. Need to put it down somewhere so that I can read it back later, for memory purpose :') Till then! xx Shaa

25 weeks 173 days, 13 hours and 39 minutes ..... to Professional Exam 3. TAPI FAHAM TAK KENAPA SEORANG SHAHIELA MALAS SANGAT YA RABBI TOLONGLAH RAJIN SIKIT BUKANNYA PANDAI PUN BILA NAK SEDAR DIRI AND START MOVING UGH TIME ISN'T GOING TO WAIT FOR YA HELLOOOOOOOOOOO YOU CAN'T PASS IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING PLEASE SAMPAI BILA NAK KENA JADI MALAS CAMNI THEN BEBEL KAT DIRI SENDIRI BUT THE SAME THING HAPPENED NO IMPROVEMENT SHAHIELA YOU'RE TERRIBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Do I still have any readers? You guys don't have to read my blog anymore. I'm sorry. I'm a very bad blogger. All I do is rant how terrible I am right now. Hahaha sorry guys

Salam & hi there. I bought a novel entitled "Girl Online" recently and just started reading it. It's about a girl starting a blog anonymously to share what she feels with other people. The first post was about things that make her anxious. Those things are somewhat similar for me as well. So that triggers me to blog today and I'm going to talk about... Not yours but mine. We probably share the same insecurities... especially if you're a girl. Eh girl lagi ke ni hahahaha biar ah. Or maybe even if you're a guy... it's okay. Insecurities is not gender biased. It hits everyone. EVERYONE. I realized that as I grow up, I have more insecurities. There are so many things to feel insecure about. Kadang-kadang tu memang kita tak perasan pun yang kita insecure. Have you ever come across this situation where you see that someone has this special thing about himself/herself then you start checking for their flaws? Hahaha that's nasty, no? I d...

Salam & hi semua! Before I start babbling, I'd like to wish you a Selamat Hari Rayaaaaaaaaaaaaa! :D Dah Syawal ke berapa entah ni baru nak wish hahaha. Harini nak cerita sikit pasal penjagaan rambut. A few of my friends have been asking what's my hair care routine... Sebenarnya kita segan la sebab kita tak buat apa-apa pun haaaahaha. Alhamdulillah memang takde masalah rambut. So kita buat yang basic je. Takde pun pergi saloon untuk buat treatment ke apa, bukan sebab tak nak tapi mahal laa. If you can afford it, then why not ;) Anyway, since orang tanya, kita jawab je lah. Here's a few things I do with my hair, I'm not sure if this routine keep my hair manageable or it's memang like that LOL. Kalau ada yang nak try, boleh la try. Kalau rasa macam kurang daripada rutin korang pun, bolehlah tambah. Ok? :D Rule number 1 is to wash your hair everyday . Dulu masa freehair zaman sekolah kan, I wash my hair every 2 days sebab ada orang cakap tak elok cuci...

Nope, not the end of posting yet this time. Haha. I just feel like blogging out of a sudden lol. So what's up guys? I'm currently at the end of week 3 of medical posting. Another 3 weeks to go. Anyway, I'm going to have my short case exam next week. I'm so scared T_T as usual. Being the usual me kan, memang penakut weh setiap kali exam. Medical is one of the hardest posting for me. There are so much to learn, so much to digest, so much to take in. Basically it's everything from head to toe. All systems altogether tau tak T_____T Banyak gila, I swear. Semua pun lain-lain. Physical examination generally ada 4 je tapi tu pun susah sangat nak hadam. Tak taulah, semakin banyak belajar, semakin banyak tak tau. Entah lah 3 tahun lepas belajar apa, so superficial. My knowledge is very, very superficial. Memang dasar study untuk exam je, sekarang dah rasa the bad part of doing that :( Examination setiap lecturer lain-lain, semua ada style sendiri. Iku...

Salam and hi there! It's my EOP weekend again haha... I've just finished my ORL posting, one of the minor postings but no, not really a minor for me. Three seminars everyday for 3 weeks, mana minornya pun tak taulah. Stress kena prepare presentation banyak pastu tak sempat nak baca untuk seminar lain -_- It's okay, dah habis pun. But that doesn't mean my suffering stops there, I'll be going to Medical posting after this so yeah... hahaha. Expectation untuk medical posting tinggi tau sebenarnya sebab mostly benda yang dah belajar, supposedly tau banyak dah. Tak macam ophthal or ORL yang banyak benda baru. So bila dah expected to know a lot of things but still you don't, jangan kata lecturer frust, diri sendiri pun frust hah. That's not the point of this post anyway, I'll keep that for later. Syafika, Elly and I went for a short getaway yesterday! Elly has just finished O&G (that's another posting to look forward to ha-ha-ha) while Sya...

Hello! Happy new year, people :) I thought of doing a post on how my 2015 went on the 31st of December but I was too lazy lol. 2015 was great. One of the things I've achieved was of course, passing my Pro 2. And starting clinical years, oh yeah haha. Having a new circle of friends; le Sado bros, oh boy I love them. I thank Allah for granting them in my life, these 6 people with very nice hearts and souls. Each with their own character, it was so fun having them around. Despite of having to be separated from le Sado bros, I got to make new friends with my posting mates. The only one I'm used to is Najat but we were separated in different small groups for each posting so... I still have to start all over again. Alhamdulillah, I can get along with them, still trying to get used to, to feel belong to the group but things are going well so far :) Having time spent with my family, friends, le Sado bros, meeting new people, making new friends and trying new thing...

Well today is one of the days I felt like the whole world is going against me. I am sad. Frustrated to be precise. Medical school is hard. It's nowhere near easy. I don't know if I can survive this :( Today, my lecturer said I wasn't prepared for the presentation. I did. But it wasn't enough, I guess. I forgot what I was supposed to say. I feel dumb. No, I'm not mad at my lecturer. Or maybe I do. I'm sad that he brought me down like that. If I didn't prepare for it, I won't be able to say anything. I'm nowhere near an excellent student. No, tak dapat 4 flat pun like what you said. Tak bangga pun dapat masuk medschool. Sikit pun tak... But I've tried. That doesn't mean I don't even make an effort. I know that in the end, we're the one who lose. I'm the one who can't perform. I'm the one who's going to fail. Haih. Then I start questioning myself again, why am I still here? "You only lose 4 years of...

Salam and hi. It's the end of Surgery posting this time. Well, I guess I'll only be blogging when I'm at the end of my postings now haha. Not to say I'm busy but I just can't afford to do a blog post. Rasa bersalah la, study tak, blog kemain lagi kan :p Surgery wasn't a very nice posting though, tak sukaaaaa -_- I don't know the reason why exactly. It doesn't feel good. Tak best. Macam... blergh. I'll be starting orthopedics after this. Orthopedic = anatomy. Generally, medicine itself is about anatomy. But faham tak macam ortho kan, kalau tak tau anatomy memang tak boleh pergi. Ortho is all about your muscles, bones, vessels zzzz. Kalau anatomy tak strong, memang kelaut weh T___T Camne ni camne niiii zzzzzzz. Rasanya everytime buat blog post baru mesti cerita pasal study kan. Yelah nothing interesting pun nak cerita sekarang ni. I'm stuck here in Kelantan and I should be studying. 2 tahun je lagi ada untuk betulkan apa yang tak betul...

Salam and hi there! Time sure do pass by very fast, ey? Dah 4th year dah Shahiela sekarang hahaha. Maknanya kan, less than 2 years je lagi insyaAllah, kita jumpa kat hospital ye ekeke. InsyaAllah la, doakan tau :'> 4th year is actually very different. 4th & 5th year ni dah clinical phase la. Maknanya most of the time are spent in the ward seeing patients. Muka kami ni la yang asyik datang tanya soalan bebanyak tu. Bukan tanya takde faedah tau, we learn through history taking. Every year we'll hear the same advice from our lecturers tau, Go to the wards, see your patients. Your patients are your textbook. Learn from them. Haa sungguh. Sebabnya, tak semua yang kita baca dalam buku tu, sama dengan apa yang pesakit alami. I didn't mean to say takyah baca buku langsung. Tapi apa yang kita baca dalam buku tu kena jugak seiring dengan apa yang patients go through. Compare lah dari situ. Clinical years ni penat. I'm currently in paediatrics posting, my...

Temper lah bukan tempe. -_- If you guys know me, close enough that I start showing my dark side, then you should know that I am pretty short-tempered. If you didn't, then you already know now. Yay *throws confetti* Trust me, I've tried so hard to control my temper almost all the time but I just lose control, anyway... Ingat best ke marah orang? Bukan orang yang kena marah je bengang tapi lepas marah orang tu, aku pun bengang dengan diri sendiri tau. Orang gila je yang tak rasa pape lepas marah orang (oh dengan orang syok sendiwi). Rasa bersalah ok, marah orang... Lelagi kalau benda tu kecil je, tak payah marah pun sebenarnya. T_T Yelah kalau kau marah sorang-sorang takpelah. Ni kalau dah marah orang, kenalah minta maaf balik. Ingat senang ke nak minta maaf? Eh malu tau tak. Haa padan muka kau siapa suruh kau marah tadi? Kan dah kata tak boleh control eee tak paham lagi ke :< Kekadang tu bukan nak cakap apalah, orang lain pun dah tau aku ni memang cepat ...