Survived (part 1)
Assalamualaikum and hi?
Tak kisah lah ada lagi yang membaca atau tak... Typing this for myself, as a reminder or for me to read when I'm older of whatever I've gone through so far :)
It's 12:33 AM, 5th of May 2020 now. Nak recap balik apa yang jadi for the past 2 years. 2 years bunyi macam lama kan? Especially sebelum start housemanship dulu. Shahiela, percaya tak awak dah habis housemanship? Extended 2 weeks haha sebab diri sendiri penakut sangat nak assessment kat ED dulu but you're done with housemanship, tahniah! *pats self on the back*
Tak sangka kan? Dulu setiap kali orang cakap, "takpe, 2 tahun je. Sekejap je habis lah. Tak perasan pun nanti." Berhuhu setiap kali orang cakap camtu, kadang-kadang dalam hati ada jugak rasa nak jawab, "senang lah orang yang cakap, diri sendiri yang menghadap ni macam mana". I was scared. Hello, siapa yang tak takut? It's a whole new phase. It's a new start. Sesungguhnya, I hate new beginnings. I don't like starting over. Awkward. Imagining that I'm going start housemanship at Hosp Serdang, somewhere I've never been to. 5 tahun biasa kat HUSM. Kat HUSM dulu, sistem manual. But I was there as a student. Setakat pergi tengok case apa yang menarik untuk buat case write up, tengok case menarik untuk clinical teaching, cover case ala kadar for ward rounds; all of those were nothing compared to what HO have to do. Belek sikit-sikit BHT, copy apa review HO pastu balik bilik haha. Apalah sangat, berapa jam sangat spend kat ward pun zaman tu. I wasn't a diligent student to start with, malas yang banyak. Pergi wad pun wajib berteman, never went to the ward alone sebab nanti boring hahahaha.
So I chose Serdang because... I don't wanna go to Hosp Kajang simply because it's too near to my house, it's a very small hospital, manual system and stupidly, I thought patients yang ditolak if hospital-hospital besar penuh will be Kajang. Naive gila hahahaha. My choices at first were Serdang, Putrajaya & HUKM. Putrajaya looks cool tapi mesti banyak VIP, ah malaslah nak layan VIP. Mesti banyak songeh, nak semua cepat pastu kena pura-pura :p HUKM pulak bila fikir nak kena hadap jam kalau pergi kerja... takpelah. So Serdang it is. Serdang because I thought, guna computerised system, cardio center and mesti besar tempatnya. Little did I know, banyak ya yang tak tau tentang Serdang. First day sampai, nak cari parking pun berzaman hahahahahaha. Malaslah nak burukkan hospital sendiri haha but yeah. I guess, ada lah pros and cons at every hospital. Semua hospital pun bagus je untuk training.
Hence, my journey starts in Serdang. My rotation were as such ; Orthopaedics > Medical > O&G > paediatrics > ED > Surgery. I didn't choose nor apply for all the posting, memang follow the flow je dari awal. I'm happy I didn't choose any, I'm pretty thankful for the arrangement. Sebenarnya, memang tak suka buat pilihan pun cuz I know I'm bad at making choices haha. Lagipun, I thought, semua postings pun kena go through, tak kira lah cepat ke lambat. Ada orang kata better masuk certain postings awal/late but for me, sama je semua. You still gotta learn, everything will still be new when you first got in and you got to ace in each of them. By ace, I mean, kena cepat pick up and adapt. Tak kisah lah as a junior or as a senior.
My first posting was orthopaedics. I can say that I actually love that posting. Probably because I have many sweet memories during that time. Although I struggle a lot as a first poster; biasalah, overwhelmed with everything. Adapting was difficult but I am forever grateful with my colleagues & superiors. MOs takde pun nak label junior ke senior, takde pun request nak kerja dengan senior je sebab junior slow or things like that. That was kind of normal in other postings which I find quite... a bummer. Junior mestilah lambat sikit but with time, of course akan improve kan? I'm glad that my superiors were mostly nice, from surgeons to MOs, semua baik. Ingat lagi, datang ward as early as 5am to cover cases padahal jaga dalam 4 patients je. First few days tu, seniors baik gila bagi only 2 patients each padahal they took about 6-8 patients. Berhutang budi dengan senior yang jumpa masa ortho ni. I learn so much from them, kalau fikir balik, if I were them, probably geram jugak kot kalau dapat junior macam diri sendiri hahahaha. Masa ni lah belajar jonah tu apa pastu paling sedih bila diri sendiri jonah :'( Dah lah tak berapa nak pandai, jonah pulak. Bertimpa-timpa ye masalah kau dik hahahaha tapi seronok, I get to learn a lot.
Ingat lagi masa first time, clerk patient, first time present masa ward rounds, first time buat dressing, first time pasang branula, first time buat POP, first time buat traction, first time refer case, first time request blood product, first time buat OT list, first time scrub for OT, first time suture and banyak lagilah first time. First time jugak balik pukul 1 AM sebab jonah masa long shift and then datang balik pukul 5 AM :') Senior baik gila tanya banyak kali apa lagi tak siap, offer tolong. Allah je boleh balas jasa korang, thank you *lap air mata*. Masa ni lah belajar banyak, break down pun banyak hahahahahaha. Gila ke tak break down. Break down sebab penat, banyak benda tak tau, takut tak dapat nak carry out plans, takut kena marah, takut patient tak terjaga, takut patient desat pastu tak tau nak buat apa, takut bila kena tinggal sorang kat wad, takut nak amik ABG sebab selalu tak dapat with 1 poke, takut nak call MO tengah malam sebab patient desat, takut kena extend, takut tak pass posting, macam-macamlah takut haha.
I still remember few of my patients under my care jugak; one of them is F, a Bangladeshi guy haha. Dia ni lama sangat tinggal kat wad, he fell from a height and sustained L4/L5 compression ke burst fracture tah and femur fracture, subsequently complicated with DVT. Everyone was labelling him as my patient sebab dari masuk, kena DVT, kena AUR, I banyak kali lah jaga dia. Selalu jugak layan dia borak, dia cerita pasal wife & anak dia kat Bangladesh, masa Raya terpaksa Raya kat wad sampai nangis dia (masa ni I seriously tak tau nak react camne, cuma boleh cakap dengan dia sabar je lah kan :/) and sampai discharge, he actually met me to say thank you haha. Masa discharge tu, katanya nak balik Bangladesh. Tak tau lah apa khabar dia kan, hope he's doing well :) And, seorang lagi, pakcik H. Arwah pakcik H. Pakcik ni tak ingat sangat dia mula-mula masuk sebab apa but he was in acute bed for quite some time but dia ada spine abscess yang extensive something like that lah. Branula dia susah sebab badan dia oedematous. Pakcik ni I jaga only for few times actually sebab after that I dah masuk peri team (basically review patient ortho kat periphery wards, meaning wad selain wad ortho). But ada lah one day tu, I went to the ward and helped my friend masa tu untuk amik blood dia kot. He actually recognized and remember me. He suddenly asked, "Dr kat mana sekarang? Dah tak jaga sini lagi ya, lama dah tak nampak Dr." What he said actually melted my heart cuz hey, someone actually remembers me :') "Pakcik ingat saya? Saya ada je lagi, cuma saya jaga wad lain sekarang, pakcik", I answered to him with a smile. After I left and entered medical, one day, I saw him when I was in red zone. Apparently, he came in due to fitting. I went through his notes after seeing his name in one of the medical wards. However, a few days after, his name was in bold and written "deceased", he passed away due to ACS. Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun, tolong sedekah Al-Fatihah sekali k kalau ada yang baca ni? Terima kasih pakcik for making me happy :')
Uncle NF, I don't remember his name but he had necrotising fascitis. Tinggal berbulan kat wad, macam-macam jenis dressing and cross infection dia dapat. In the end, last dressing was the genta beads, ingat lagi tolong Dr T buat masa first time tu. It was fun. He was a cheerful patient. He actually stays somewhere nearby to my house haha, ni tau pun sebab bersembang masa buat dressing dia. He was discharged then pastu dia belanja semua orang KFC :) And another Chinese uncle, who's mute, deaf & mentally incapable, initially came in because he had an IT fracture following a fall, jatuh longkang kalau tak silap. Subsequently, in ward, developed UGIB. After scope pagi tu, sampai ward spO2 drop. Masa ni lah rasa macam panic sebab I jaga pseudo bed je, first time patient kena transfer acute. Seniors datang tolong ramai-ramai. He then collapsed, we did CPR, he was intubated. First CPR tu he survived. I don't know if he's stable after that, I had no idea :/ Masa tu rasa macam realnya semua ni, this is all really happening T___T Ada cardiac monitor semua. Ingat lagi one of my senior datang and pesan, "Sha, nanti jenguk-jenguk uncle tu. Jangan tak tengok langsung. Takut tak perasan patient asystole." I was like, "ehhh janganlah cakap macam tu. Uncle okay dah lah :(" After that, memang every few minutes I went and check on him. Unfortunately, he passed away a few hours later... The most touching part of all, after his family members were informed that we're unable to save him after some time of CPR, the family members came to us and said thank you for doing our best to save him throughout his hospital stay. Mujur I pakai mask masa tu, my eyes were watery, my throat felt bitter. Masa document event tu, I actually cried a little sebab sedih, terharu, macam-macam lah. I just hope that I really did my best to help him :(
Eh panjang rupanya dah taip ni. That were just some of the memories that I still have in mind. Ortho is definitely one of my favourite posting, where I learn so much and had so much fun too. Can't thank my bosses, my colleagues, my seniors, nurses and of course, my patients for everything 💗 Banyaklah nak cerita sebenarnya hahahahaha. Ni baru 1 posting, kalau 6 nanti camne? LOL. Sambung esok pulaklah. Harap istiqamah nak bercerita haha.
Goodnight xx
Tak kisah lah ada lagi yang membaca atau tak... Typing this for myself, as a reminder or for me to read when I'm older of whatever I've gone through so far :)
It's 12:33 AM, 5th of May 2020 now. Nak recap balik apa yang jadi for the past 2 years. 2 years bunyi macam lama kan? Especially sebelum start housemanship dulu. Shahiela, percaya tak awak dah habis housemanship? Extended 2 weeks haha sebab diri sendiri penakut sangat nak assessment kat ED dulu but you're done with housemanship, tahniah! *pats self on the back*
Tak sangka kan? Dulu setiap kali orang cakap, "takpe, 2 tahun je. Sekejap je habis lah. Tak perasan pun nanti." Berhuhu setiap kali orang cakap camtu, kadang-kadang dalam hati ada jugak rasa nak jawab, "senang lah orang yang cakap, diri sendiri yang menghadap ni macam mana". I was scared. Hello, siapa yang tak takut? It's a whole new phase. It's a new start. Sesungguhnya, I hate new beginnings. I don't like starting over. Awkward. Imagining that I'm going start housemanship at Hosp Serdang, somewhere I've never been to. 5 tahun biasa kat HUSM. Kat HUSM dulu, sistem manual. But I was there as a student. Setakat pergi tengok case apa yang menarik untuk buat case write up, tengok case menarik untuk clinical teaching, cover case ala kadar for ward rounds; all of those were nothing compared to what HO have to do. Belek sikit-sikit BHT, copy apa review HO pastu balik bilik haha. Apalah sangat, berapa jam sangat spend kat ward pun zaman tu. I wasn't a diligent student to start with, malas yang banyak. Pergi wad pun wajib berteman, never went to the ward alone sebab nanti boring hahahaha.
So I chose Serdang because... I don't wanna go to Hosp Kajang simply because it's too near to my house, it's a very small hospital, manual system and stupidly, I thought patients yang ditolak if hospital-hospital besar penuh will be Kajang. Naive gila hahahaha. My choices at first were Serdang, Putrajaya & HUKM. Putrajaya looks cool tapi mesti banyak VIP, ah malaslah nak layan VIP. Mesti banyak songeh, nak semua cepat pastu kena pura-pura :p HUKM pulak bila fikir nak kena hadap jam kalau pergi kerja... takpelah. So Serdang it is. Serdang because I thought, guna computerised system, cardio center and mesti besar tempatnya. Little did I know, banyak ya yang tak tau tentang Serdang. First day sampai, nak cari parking pun berzaman hahahahahaha. Malaslah nak burukkan hospital sendiri haha but yeah. I guess, ada lah pros and cons at every hospital. Semua hospital pun bagus je untuk training.
Hence, my journey starts in Serdang. My rotation were as such ; Orthopaedics > Medical > O&G > paediatrics > ED > Surgery. I didn't choose nor apply for all the posting, memang follow the flow je dari awal. I'm happy I didn't choose any, I'm pretty thankful for the arrangement. Sebenarnya, memang tak suka buat pilihan pun cuz I know I'm bad at making choices haha. Lagipun, I thought, semua postings pun kena go through, tak kira lah cepat ke lambat. Ada orang kata better masuk certain postings awal/late but for me, sama je semua. You still gotta learn, everything will still be new when you first got in and you got to ace in each of them. By ace, I mean, kena cepat pick up and adapt. Tak kisah lah as a junior or as a senior.
My first posting was orthopaedics. I can say that I actually love that posting. Probably because I have many sweet memories during that time. Although I struggle a lot as a first poster; biasalah, overwhelmed with everything. Adapting was difficult but I am forever grateful with my colleagues & superiors. MOs takde pun nak label junior ke senior, takde pun request nak kerja dengan senior je sebab junior slow or things like that. That was kind of normal in other postings which I find quite... a bummer. Junior mestilah lambat sikit but with time, of course akan improve kan? I'm glad that my superiors were mostly nice, from surgeons to MOs, semua baik. Ingat lagi, datang ward as early as 5am to cover cases padahal jaga dalam 4 patients je. First few days tu, seniors baik gila bagi only 2 patients each padahal they took about 6-8 patients. Berhutang budi dengan senior yang jumpa masa ortho ni. I learn so much from them, kalau fikir balik, if I were them, probably geram jugak kot kalau dapat junior macam diri sendiri hahahaha. Masa ni lah belajar jonah tu apa pastu paling sedih bila diri sendiri jonah :'( Dah lah tak berapa nak pandai, jonah pulak. Bertimpa-timpa ye masalah kau dik hahahaha tapi seronok, I get to learn a lot.
Ingat lagi masa first time, clerk patient, first time present masa ward rounds, first time buat dressing, first time pasang branula, first time buat POP, first time buat traction, first time refer case, first time request blood product, first time buat OT list, first time scrub for OT, first time suture and banyak lagilah first time. First time jugak balik pukul 1 AM sebab jonah masa long shift and then datang balik pukul 5 AM :') Senior baik gila tanya banyak kali apa lagi tak siap, offer tolong. Allah je boleh balas jasa korang, thank you *lap air mata*. Masa ni lah belajar banyak, break down pun banyak hahahahahaha. Gila ke tak break down. Break down sebab penat, banyak benda tak tau, takut tak dapat nak carry out plans, takut kena marah, takut patient tak terjaga, takut patient desat pastu tak tau nak buat apa, takut bila kena tinggal sorang kat wad, takut nak amik ABG sebab selalu tak dapat with 1 poke, takut nak call MO tengah malam sebab patient desat, takut kena extend, takut tak pass posting, macam-macamlah takut haha.
I still remember few of my patients under my care jugak; one of them is F, a Bangladeshi guy haha. Dia ni lama sangat tinggal kat wad, he fell from a height and sustained L4/L5 compression ke burst fracture tah and femur fracture, subsequently complicated with DVT. Everyone was labelling him as my patient sebab dari masuk, kena DVT, kena AUR, I banyak kali lah jaga dia. Selalu jugak layan dia borak, dia cerita pasal wife & anak dia kat Bangladesh, masa Raya terpaksa Raya kat wad sampai nangis dia (masa ni I seriously tak tau nak react camne, cuma boleh cakap dengan dia sabar je lah kan :/) and sampai discharge, he actually met me to say thank you haha. Masa discharge tu, katanya nak balik Bangladesh. Tak tau lah apa khabar dia kan, hope he's doing well :) And, seorang lagi, pakcik H. Arwah pakcik H. Pakcik ni tak ingat sangat dia mula-mula masuk sebab apa but he was in acute bed for quite some time but dia ada spine abscess yang extensive something like that lah. Branula dia susah sebab badan dia oedematous. Pakcik ni I jaga only for few times actually sebab after that I dah masuk peri team (basically review patient ortho kat periphery wards, meaning wad selain wad ortho). But ada lah one day tu, I went to the ward and helped my friend masa tu untuk amik blood dia kot. He actually recognized and remember me. He suddenly asked, "Dr kat mana sekarang? Dah tak jaga sini lagi ya, lama dah tak nampak Dr." What he said actually melted my heart cuz hey, someone actually remembers me :') "Pakcik ingat saya? Saya ada je lagi, cuma saya jaga wad lain sekarang, pakcik", I answered to him with a smile. After I left and entered medical, one day, I saw him when I was in red zone. Apparently, he came in due to fitting. I went through his notes after seeing his name in one of the medical wards. However, a few days after, his name was in bold and written "deceased", he passed away due to ACS. Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun, tolong sedekah Al-Fatihah sekali k kalau ada yang baca ni? Terima kasih pakcik for making me happy :')
Uncle NF, I don't remember his name but he had necrotising fascitis. Tinggal berbulan kat wad, macam-macam jenis dressing and cross infection dia dapat. In the end, last dressing was the genta beads, ingat lagi tolong Dr T buat masa first time tu. It was fun. He was a cheerful patient. He actually stays somewhere nearby to my house haha, ni tau pun sebab bersembang masa buat dressing dia. He was discharged then pastu dia belanja semua orang KFC :) And another Chinese uncle, who's mute, deaf & mentally incapable, initially came in because he had an IT fracture following a fall, jatuh longkang kalau tak silap. Subsequently, in ward, developed UGIB. After scope pagi tu, sampai ward spO2 drop. Masa ni lah rasa macam panic sebab I jaga pseudo bed je, first time patient kena transfer acute. Seniors datang tolong ramai-ramai. He then collapsed, we did CPR, he was intubated. First CPR tu he survived. I don't know if he's stable after that, I had no idea :/ Masa tu rasa macam realnya semua ni, this is all really happening T___T Ada cardiac monitor semua. Ingat lagi one of my senior datang and pesan, "Sha, nanti jenguk-jenguk uncle tu. Jangan tak tengok langsung. Takut tak perasan patient asystole." I was like, "ehhh janganlah cakap macam tu. Uncle okay dah lah :(" After that, memang every few minutes I went and check on him. Unfortunately, he passed away a few hours later... The most touching part of all, after his family members were informed that we're unable to save him after some time of CPR, the family members came to us and said thank you for doing our best to save him throughout his hospital stay. Mujur I pakai mask masa tu, my eyes were watery, my throat felt bitter. Masa document event tu, I actually cried a little sebab sedih, terharu, macam-macam lah. I just hope that I really did my best to help him :(
Eh panjang rupanya dah taip ni. That were just some of the memories that I still have in mind. Ortho is definitely one of my favourite posting, where I learn so much and had so much fun too. Can't thank my bosses, my colleagues, my seniors, nurses and of course, my patients for everything 💗 Banyaklah nak cerita sebenarnya hahahahaha. Ni baru 1 posting, kalau 6 nanti camne? LOL. Sambung esok pulaklah. Harap istiqamah nak bercerita haha.
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| 10 of us from my batch yang masuk ortho, luckily masuk beramai-ramai so tak sendu lah noob sorang-sorang hahaha :p |
Goodnight xx
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