Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Merajuk

Well today is one of the days I felt like the whole world is going against me.

I am sad. Frustrated to be precise.

Medical school is hard. It's nowhere near easy. I don't know if I can survive this :( Today, my lecturer said I wasn't prepared for the presentation. I did. But it wasn't enough, I guess.

I forgot what I was supposed to say. I feel dumb.

No, I'm not mad at my lecturer. Or maybe I do. I'm sad that he brought me down like that. If I didn't prepare for it, I won't be able to say anything.

I'm nowhere near an excellent student. No, tak dapat 4 flat pun like what you said. Tak bangga pun dapat masuk medschool. Sikit pun tak... But I've tried. That doesn't mean I don't even make an effort.

I know that in the end, we're the one who lose. I'm the one who can't perform. I'm the one who's going to fail.

Haih.

Then I start questioning myself again, why am I still here?

"You only lose 4 years of your life. It's better than losing 20-30 years to come doing what you don't like."

True, I agree.

But hey, nothing worthy comes easy kan?

Haih.

I don't even know how to express my feelings now. I don't know what I'm feeling. I've no right to be mad at my lecturer. He was right. If he didn't say what he said just now, I won't improve myself. But really, tell me how.

I'm disappointed with myself. Takyah la cakap pasal dia, dia mesti la lagi kecewa.

Sekarang ni rasa nak merajuk dengan lecturer tu. Jujur la, memang sedih. Penat study tapi dia cakap kita tak prepare langsung. Who on earth nak buat presentation tapi tak prepare langsung? T_T

Now, I just hope I don't get him as my examiner later. Please don't. Cukuplah session tadi tu. Ni nak dapat semangat balik pun tak taulah bila baru boleh recover. Sakit tau tak.

Putus cinta pun tak sakit camni kot.

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