The horror.

Assalamualaikum and hi.

Sorry that I've been busy nowadays. Not real busy but literally. No, I'm quite busy actually. Yeah, busy. Blergh. I now forgot how I usually blog already ish. Anyway, my final exam or we call it Professional 1 is coming reaaal soon. About 9 days to go? Heh.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sigh. I just don't know how to describe my feelings right now. I've got 16 blocks altogether for this whole first year and I did some reading about one block and then I get bored so I moved on to the next block and it happened all the way that I've only managed to finish a few blocks since the first day of the month.

And now, here I am, writing out what I feel. Of course I'm scared. You know how things work here? No? Okay, let me tell you how.

Here, we've got 3 phases in 5 years to be completed. I'm in the first phase which is the first year. The second phase (pre-clinical) comprises of the second and third year while the fourth and fifth year make the third phase (clinical). We do not do the semester system but this. Since I'm only in the first year now, so I don't know much about the other two phases. Let's just focus on this first year k.

As I've said in my previous posts before, I've went through 3 exams which are called Selanjar 1, 2 and 3. The results of all three added up holds 30% out of the Pro 1 result. Get it? Okay. So just imagine now, we have to revise all these 3 Selanjar syllabus including another 5 blocks after Selanjar 3 for this Pro 1. The notes stacked up is about 15 inch thick? Yes, please get a ruler or a measuring tape to see how horrible it is. Horrible because they're a stack of notes. If only they're money instead... okay, not funny. But yeah, that's how crazy it is.

And to top it off, if we fail, we have to repeat the whole year again. Yup, the WHOLE YEAR. AGAIN. See the torture? *half-dead*

Well, the 5 years course is already the longest course now but imagine of repeating the whole year and it would be 6 years then. We can only fail twice so the longest we can go is 7 years. 7 freaking years! By the time I graduate,  my friends from different courses would have already got a stable job and family of their own while I sob away for finally graduating from med school. Sheesh -_____-"

It takes only 2 days after the exam to get our results. And do you know how it's given out?

They will be calling out names of people who pass the exam out loud in our lecture hall. Feel the horror now?! *dies* So if your name is called out, congratulations. If not, congratulations too for you're still a first year student for the next academic session. T_______T

These things get me so stressed out but could also be the drive for me to keep going. Every time I feel like giving up, these things would come into my mind and I can't even do anything to stop it but keep on studying. I really, really don't want to repeat my first year again. Infact, nobody wants to. I usually cry when I'm stressed out but now, my eyes are too dry and don't think I have time for that LOL. I'm tired but I wanna do this for just once. I want to pass so badly.

Are you still reading? Thank you so much for doing so. Although I don't think this could benefit any of you but thanks. But here's a quote that I've been living up to,

"A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor."

I'm in a medical school, I'm going to be a doctor dealing with people's live. Can't afford any mistakes, lives are too precious. That simply explains all the above. I'll stay strong here, insyaAllah. And hope you too, for whatever you are doing. Don't give up.

I think that's it for now. Happy holidays if you've done your finals and for my fellow batchmates and anyone who still has got papers to kill, all the best and break a leg! Please pretty please, pray for everyone's success. Good day! :)